Monday, October 09, 2006

Taize’ & Exposition Adoration

Taize’ (pronounced Tay-Zay) you say? What is Taize’? It is a form of prayer that involves a lot of repetitive chant of songs in the Cathedral of St. James in Seattle. It comes from an ecumenical community in France that focuses on drawing one close to Christ through the monastic lifestyle but that, out of the brothers generosity, is shared with the rest of us lay persons. It is intended to build one up into contemplation of Jesus and reflection on ones own state in life, their past, present, joys and sorrows. Before I go into this experience though, let me preface all of this with a quick journey back into my own life…
Lately I have been feeling very lonely, distant and troubled. It seems the past has been harder to shake off then at first glance. Not only has this been very prevalent in my own life, but that of my loved ones as well. I tell them to take courage, offer words of kindness and acts of generosity even when it seems to be at the same time detrimental to me. O how this cross does chafe and crush me and were it not for the knowledge of my God and his love for me, I would not be the same man I am now. This blog is not only a great outlet for me to share the great moments in my life, but now has taken on a new dimension for me, that of self medication and therapy (thank goodness I took psych classes and have a tenacious albeit weak faith in Jesus.) I know what it is like to cling to Jesus, to try with all the strength he has given me to stay with him on this short mystery of life. Delores seem to be my companion in this present stage but I pray that they are only the catalyst for the great metamorphosis. This of coarse is not something isolated or foreign to others; we all have this loneliness that cries out from the depths of our souls. This is what made St. Augustine cry out, “Lord, our souls are restless until they rest in you!” Even as much as Jesus loves us and came down to us, he to as a man desired to be back with his Father. His cry on the cross, “it is finished” and his Resurrection were not only the great victory over death, but also a preparation for the Ascension, which reunited him with his Father! Abba Father! This present state was brought about partially by taking a drive out into the wilderness, looking up at the sky and listening to the song I have been listening to the whole duration of writing this entry. Here is the first verse just so you can “hear” it and join me on my journey.

As I look into the stars, I’m wondering how far away they are. How you hold them in your hands, and still you know this man! You know my inner most being Lord, even better then I know, then I know myself. What a beautiful God, what a beautiful God! And What am I? That I might be called your child. What am I? What am I? That you might know me my King. What am I? What am I? What am I!?

So, Taize’ definitely elicited a lot of SEARCHING within, a retrospection if you will. Lord, do not be deaf to my plea, do not turn your face from me. I beg and implore you to heal my brokenness, but not for my sake for I can endure still more if it be according to your will!

Now onto Adoration. My cousin is going on his first SEARCH Retreat this weekend and as I recall he wrote me a letter on my own SEARCH Retreat, so I rifled through the Palonka letters I had (another factor into this present state) and found his. His love and sincerity reached right off of the page and captured my heart and soul. His simple and genuine words carried me into my own writing for his letter. As I promised him in his letter I offered up one hour of Adoration, a Rosary and a Divine Mercy Chaplet which I completed earlier tonight after Taize’. As I sat before Jesus and stared into his being, I noticed him staring back at me. I thought to myself that not only was I lonely, but that he to is lonely. He waits for me to come by and sit with him, talk with him, groan with him. I then had a very interesting revelation, that not only is he there looking at me, but everyone who is with him is also looking at me. Whoa! I was suddenly not very lonely. I thought to myself about the great mystery of him. The great honor, privilege, joy and blessing that I have to sit before the God of all and talk with him. How many people search for this, desire this closeness with God, to have this much access to him through all their life? Not only that, but not just now, for generations past and to come. Hello Grandpa B, Grandma B, George V and Ester. I hope to be looking out at my grandchildren and friends someday as you are looking at me now! To know what you know, to be inside of love, joy, peace and fullness! We are not alone, we never are, “for I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord!” (Cf. Roman 8:38-39).

Song: Shawn McDonald “Beautiful”